March 2009


newspaperThis image more-or-less sums up where I am starting with my new project tomorrow…

 

Last week I was on the tube and the woman sat next to me, in a genuine manner, asked if she could turn the page of her news paper… had I finished reading it!?

 

It is such a bad habit of mine. I read EVERYTHING – usually over someone’s shoulder. I listen to conversations on public transport and make up fictional narratives for the people without turning round to look at them. Usually, both of these activities are just ways of entertaining myself, but it has got me thinking… I don’t pick up the London Newspapers on my way to work, yet I always know what’s in them and can participate in a conversation, based on Rihanna, in the staff room because of it. 

 

How do we form common knowledge, common experience, opinions, an understanding of ‘what’s hot and what’s not’; I don’t have a choice but to participate because I take it all in involuntarily. 

 

A police notice in a tube station has stuck with me recently “If you’re reading this then you are on our beat.”, the point being that we all are, because we automatically read when words are in front of us. We take it in – it might not stick, we might not care, but we’ve read it. 

 

Where does our information come from? How much do we participate in society, often without noticing that we are doing it? There are a few other issues that I am trying to work out at the moment to do with this project. But for tomorrow – I just want to see if people will read what’s inside my newspaper.

 

I really want to know / or get a feel for how people respond to knowing that they are supposed to be reading my newspaper. Does it make you think about the information that we take in? The way in which we receive our information? How does it feel – a spontaneous performance that no-one else can see. An involuntary participant.

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My last show, ‘The Art of Taking Tea’, was all about  the journey that I undertook whilst trying to recover my Grandma’s memories, as she had seemingly lost them due to Alzheimer’s Disease. I’m really sad to say that my Grandma passed away this week.

 

I had applied to the Accidental Festival to try and get T.A.T.T on there. I’m kind of hoping that they turn me down now, as I don’t think that I will be able to perform the show again – at least not this soon and not without re-writing the whole thing. I don’t want to leave the performance alone forever, I just don’t think that now is a good time to be performing it. 

 

I was playing with the idea of opening ‘T.A.T.T’ back up again and doing more tea but I feel like maybe it is a show to let go of. I don’t know. I loved the show so much and find it hard to think of never performing it again: I don’t like work that talks directly about death or grief very much and wouldn’t feel comfortable changing the show to reflect that. I feel like the performance was something positive created out of something negative; I don’t want it to become final and gloomy. 

 

I suppose that that is one of the hard things about creating work that talks very honestly about elements of your life – sometimes things are too raw… that’s it really. I just felt like it was worth mentioning.

I was off work sick. I got sent home yesterday afternoon with the bug that has taken the school by storm. I am so tired.  I found out that I got an interview for a PhD at Chelsea College of Art and Design. I was excited. I rang a friend to help with my design and have a natter. I began to set up an Art Theory Reading Group. I started to plan a portfolio. I panicked that I’ve not done enough to get through the interview. I worried. I brainstormed about my new project. I felt ill and had to have a nap. I couldn’t nap. I collected some references to look up. I cleaned my flat. I cried a bit. I updated my blogs. I had a friend over to dinner. I was convinced that I’m not going to be able to get through the interview. 

 

I’m back to work tomorrow. Not sure I can pay the rent  – I don’t get sick pay.

After some careful consideration about the nature of the paper that I wanted to write on, I decided that it is important that you can recognise that it is newspaper that has been regurgitated.

 

My initial idea was that I would find a way of removing the print from the paper, hence thinning it, then layering it to make it thicker and writing over the top… Do you know how god dam hard it is to remove print from a newspaper!?!

 

I tried everyway possible. I got a headache, felt sick and then gave up! I have also tried nail-varnish remover – it also failed to remotely remove the print. The paper just goes into holes before anything really happens!

 

recycle-pRecycling. Not really an environmental issue for me I have to say, but the context of what it once was and now is – another space inbetween. 

 

I was moaning recently about money and the cost of materials when i can’t pay the rent… just make your own stuff, there’s always an answer was the reply I received. 

 

I’ve always liked my ‘enthusiastic child’ aesthetic. I love craft…but am reallly bad at it. This makes me do it even more. At school the kids think I’m great at art!

I’m not 100% sure if this is necessary yet for my new project. I might have a play with paper anyway. It might take away from the project by injecting too much time into the process, but what draws me to making my own paper is:

 

I like the destruction of words. The removal of one story to replace  it with another. A layering. A shredding. The time and focus that goes into the process transforming it back into what it already was, purely to painstakingly erase part of its history. 

 

Despite this arising from my money rant – I would still need to buy materials to recycle the paper! Maybe I should just buy a ready recycled pack of A4 :o)